Bitches Judging Bitches

I made a post on Facebook Some time ago, about women judging other women with a meme that says,” you don't have to be modest to be respected.” and coincidentally I just witnessed a woman ripping apart women for wearing thong bikinis at a waterpark.

And my words are basically any woman that puts down another woman or openly criticizes that woman for the way she dresses. You need to stop that!

Because you're unknowingly giving permission ,giving other people around you, that hear you criticizing another woman permission to also criticize. And, GURL, We have enough criticism in our lives. We have Cis White Men telling us how to live, dress and act since our British days.

Before that women were free, held the finances and ran the homes.

In Viking times, shield maidens fought wars. Sooo Women….Listen up!

Guys you probably do the same thing. So you can read and take what works for you.

Judgement is fear. Fear that someone can do something that you consciously or unconsciously desire the freedom to do. Judgement speaks of a desire to control the thoughts, feelings, and actions of another unjustly spurred on by self-righteous indignation.

When women are tearing down other women and calling it “judgment'', I can judge because my religion says so, my mama says so, my grandma says so you know, whatever, you actually are giving other people permission, our boys, our little girls that it is correct to speak to people or about people in a judgmental way and how to talk about or to our women, our ladies, our little girls.

When you're walking down the street, and you're holding your little boy's hand, and you say to your husband, “look at that woman over there, look at the way she's dressed. She looks like a hustler, a slut or a whore,(or whatever word you use,) or doesn't she have any self respect!”

That little man is hearing you! And now he, over time, continuously hearing this judgment, is gonna think it's okay to talk to or about a woman like that.

And what if that woman like that ends up being his life partner?

What if she decides that she wants to wear a halter top out in public?

She wants to go to the beach in a bikini?

Does he have the right to say that to her?

Well, of course he does. Because you've already instilled in him that it's okay to be judgmental. You gave him the permission to think it's okay to be judgmental.

And for the little ladies out there, hold her hand, your little sweet little girl. and now she grows up and something in her wants to be flamboyant. She wants to wear her hair in a style that maybe you don't approve of.

She wants to wear that purple in her hair that my mother would never let me do when I was younger.

She would maybe wear a low cut blouse. When I see someone showing an excessive amount of cleavage, I'm like Rock IT Girl -go you !!

We desperately need women to come together.

Some of the comments on that post got kind of nasty: made by other women about other women:

• maybe she should look at the way she is dressing or maybe she is calling attention to herself.

All right, here's an eye opener. For those of you that don't know, most women that I have talked to don't dress to try to attract attention of any kind. They dress because it's comfortable for them. It's a statement for them. It's what they like!

Hearing words that are negative and downgrading and belittling are not something that we should be saying. Because we're teaching and we're teaching judgment.

And the one girl mistook me for scolding her, which I wasn't, I'm assuming by the tone. Again, it's hard to read tone in text. So I'm taking it that she thought I'm scolding her.

I'm not sure. That's how I'm perceiving it. She said if you're looking for a guy, you shouldn't dangle a bone, you know, which is a half naked lady, good man isn't looking for a bone.

Well, again, she is not dressing for the guy in most cases.

Now there are some, there are some that like to draw attention, I'm not going to doubt that. I'm not going to deny that. But even she doesn't deserve our ridicule. It's her choice.

When this person is dressed in a way that you don't like. Read that again. When this person is dressed in a way that you don't like, it's about you, not them.

There's something in you, a judgment in you that you're inflicting on that other person.

Maybe they are walking at the beach with their bikini up their ass. How was it hurting you?

Other than you thinking man that freaking has got to hurt.

Why is it bothering you?

“But Michelle What if I have a little boy with me or a little girl with me and we see it? Should my child be subjected to that ?”

Your child probably will be subjected to that and much more in today's society. Sadly, we can't protect our children from everything. But we can teach that child in that moment that women deserve our respect. She's being herself.

Now mama might not approve, you can tell your child I don't approve of my children dressing like that. But if it works for her, it's okay for her.

How hard is that? Because I've had that question. Well, what about my child when my child has questions?

How you answer the question is so important. And framing the mindset of that little child, male or female, because either sex is going to be affected here.

If it's a boy, he's going to know how to treat the women in his life not just romantically I mean, ALL the women in his life. How is he going to talk about the girl down the corner? How is he going to treat the old lady he meets? How is he going to treat the same lady he sees at church at a school? And when he goes off to college, how he is going to treat these people that he comes across is going to start being ingrained into their minds as children. That's where YOU parents come in.

So same thing with the girls, if you're saying nasty stuff about other women in front of your girls, you're given them permission to be little bitches when they get older or they will start being little bitches in school creating the “mean girl” clubs across the world in every elementary school.

You have given them the right, unknowingly ,giving them permission to be a little ass when they get older. OR you teach her that it's HER fault if someone is being an ass to her!

And that's when you get your little bullies in school. You know, criticizing people for the way they dress, criticizing them for the way they look.

They don't fit what society deems is appropriate.

So let's talk about that what's appropriate according to society, we have Muslim women who are covered from head to toe, head to toe. You can't get more modest than that!

And they're criticized for being covered head to toe.

So it's not about what they're showing. What are we judging?

It's about how you are reflecting what is inside of you. That it bothers you so much that you need to pass a judgment on someone else.

A comment was made that everybody judges. I know we all judge but WHY must we continue to judge when we know the effects it has?

Why do we have to be judgmental?

I am working really hard on this. I was never super judgmental in the past. That was not one of the issues I ever had growing up. However,This young man came into work with his pants down around his ass. I wandered in that second, in that moment to tell him to them up.

Pull them up, for heaven's sake, pull those pants up.

Until I realize it's my problem, not his. And I smiled inwardly. I smiled and walked away. You know, it was my problem. My problem was that I got upset because this man had his pants down around his butt cheeks. Now in his underwear was the same color of his pants. So unless you were actually looking, probably wouldn't notice but I was right behind him.

I had been right behind him, so I couldn't miss it. But it was my judgment.

And this is where I'm talking to you from. A real person, not someone sitting up on Mount Sinai and I'm better than anybody else. The work I still have to do.

These are things that I want to share with you. They are things that I struggle with myself.

And that's why I share them because I figure if I'm struggling with this, and I see the hurt and the outrage and everything else that goes along with it, I feel somebody else should probably hear the story too.

There's a message here for somebody.

So next time you see a woman and her boobs are hanging out in a way that you don't deem appropriate, think about why that bothers you.

Maybe you were raised very religiously. And that can be an issue.

It's YOUR issue in the way you were raised. What woman does that you don't agree with doesn't make her a bad person!

Let me tell you another story about bad people.

I have a friend on Facebook who I have never met face to face yet.

I hope someday to meet her, who is a model, a mother and a powerful women's empowerment coach, and she posted a fully nude photo of herself on Facebook artfully angled that you could not see her unmentionables.

But I was shocked when I first saw it. I'm like, Oh, my freaking god, who would do this and put THAT kind of photo out there? (I am still working on my judgement)

And I'm like, yeah, she would. She would. There's not a hurtful bone in her body. In fact she stands for empowering women!

She's happily married to her husband. She has a job as a model. And she is insanely beautiful. Her husband, anytime someone comments about her beauty, sucks it up like a sponge.

He's like, yep, that's mine. And totally supports her in her business, in her modeling, and in her photography. And he doesn't let the negative comments made about her effect his support for her or his love for her.

So anytime I look at her photos, and I think for that slight second andI remember she's giving permission to other women to be their fucking selves. To embrace their body temple.

We are holding each other back, holding each other back so badly with this.

This “everybody does judgment. So I can do it too.” It HOLDS YOU BACK!

Because you feel a moment of judgment doesn't make it right.

We already know that. You give yourself a temporary authority high when you judge someone.. A sense of being BETTER THAN SOMEONE.

That's been proven throughout history, proven through every religion, or politically or through our families.

So never ever come to me, especially me and say, “Well, other people do it. So it's okay.”

Or don't ever come to me and say “Michelle, you do it so that makes it okay”. Because I'm working on me and I make mistakes.

“Something doesn't belong on the internet. Children can see it if it's set to public”, (Such as scantily dressed women) I have had this said to me; but, here is my thing…Why as a parent are you not watching what your child has access to on the internet? Children should not even have Facebook or unsupervised access to the internet. So that is on the parents to police that. Yet I see parents buying Ipads for children as young as a year old and leaving them unattended with it.

The Internet is just like a book. You know, the library is full of books, but there are certain books that you're not gonna let your child check out in a library and read, and the same things with the Internet. The Internet is just a live book of facts, fiction, horror, lately, a lot of horror.

But we get as parents to control what they are looking at and that's what a lot of people have forgotten. We think we should sit our children down with an IPAD and EVERYONE ELSE SHOULD POLICE THEIR CONTENT but you don't have to watch what your children are viewing. Placing YOUR responsibility on the collective.

And as far as teenagers hopefully by that time, you have instilled in them some value that you believe but realize your teenager may not believe that value or judgement as they grow older.

My mom never want anybody to have colored hair when we were kids yet here I am rocking the purple, the brilliant red and I don't give a fuck. I wish I would have done it when I was younger. I lost a lot of years living under a law that isn't even a law, it's just a belief that not everybody holds. And even as teenagers up to a certain age, you can watch you can monitor what they're watching but once they reach 16 or 17 But you're not going to be able to protect them from everything and hopefully by that time you've instilled in them the values that you want them to adopt and make you are talking you're talking to the teenager it don't matter if they don't get it on the internet they can get it in a Playboy magazine. I found them in my son's room back in the day.

Stuff that we try to hide from children is easily accessible everywhere. But it doesn't make it right, maybe not. But we're not talking about full on nudity here. Again your child shouldn't have access to the internet unsupervised.

Let's talk about what “DECENT”

People determine what is indecent. People. And that definition changes from person to person.

If there is an overweight woman wearing a shirt that doesn't fit her correctly, and her stomach rolls out underneath. She's being indecent!

Look at her. She's a slob. Shock! Horror

But nobody thinks of what that woman may be going through.

What's her story? Do we know? Is she really just floppy like that? Or does she come from a very poor background?

Or maybe she is living paycheck to paycheck herself and has a slew of kids to take care of, and doesn't have money to buy for herself, or the energy.

You know, if you're raising a bunch of kids that makes it difficult, particularly single parents.

If you're living at an income level that makes it difficult to provide for the children AND yourself, you're almost always going to choose your children first.

So you might end up wearing a shirt too tight or that got shrunk to short and your stomach rolls are hanging. OR your butt cheeks are sticking out because your ass got so big that your pants are tight on you.

Maybe they have a medical condition that makes it near impossible to be the size acceptable by society.

MAYBE IT'S NONE OF OUR FREAKING BUSINESS.

Who we are judging people without knowing their story.

To assume that everybody out there who is showing any kind of flesh is doing it for attention is a really bad hurtful assumption.

It should be taught that there's a difference between sexual and art.

In one post on FB someone said:I don't know why a 30 something year old would be wearing, you know, a bra and panties.

Now that's suggestive, too. Was it a bra and panties? Or was it a crop top? Was that a bikini?

We don't know. This is just a woman spouting off on Facebook.

And you know why 32 what she'd be doing this? Why is it anybody's business? You know it and it's her wall? Was her profile set to “public''?

We don't know.

But she's spouting off about somebody on Facebook that we know nothing about. And she worded it in such a way that you're asking to be raped, quote, unquote!

That sent me off.

No woman or man asks to be raped. Yeah, yeah, maybe playing roles scenarios in their own bedroom, maybe getting somebody off?

I don't know.

But for the actual harm of being raped, nobody asks for that.

So if I walk outside in my bikini, or if I go to the beach in a bikini,I am not asking for anything.

I didn't ask for your opinion.

I didn't ask for your judgment.

I didn't ask to be raped.

I didn't ask to be sexually harassed.

None of that.

When you do that,(make those statements that they asked for it)you then you have a woman that is raped or a man that is raped looking at themselves now I thinking “did I ask for it? “

Did I dress in such a way that someone thought it was an invitation?

We have the victim blaming themselves and questioning themselves and shaming themselves because they figure society's already doing it.

She was out at a party and had a few beers, so she obviously asked for it. Did she?

Was she just out having fun and someone took advantage.

This is where our society has gone super wrong with the judgments. Is not hurting you is not hurting anybody else.

Peace and love goes a lot farther than shame and judgment.

A lot of people left the Catholic faith because they chose to shame and judge rather than peace and love.

Maybe your eyes are scarred. Oh my god, I can't unsee that. lol

Just look away.

That's all my message first to you today is if you are judging other people look inside yourself and see what is going on in you,what is causing you to make those judgments.

Educate your children. There is no shame in the way someone dresses, only shame in us when we judge them.

I mean someone like shaking his bare penis around? That would be another story.

I'm not talking about someone deliberately exposing their private parts to people.

And ass cheeks and cleavage are NOT private parts.

No, no, no, no, I'm not No, no, no, no, no, no, that is unacceptable.

There was a difference when someone was being lewd.

There's a fine line. But again, be careful when you're making that fine line.

Where is it? Who decides it?

Probably the police will decide it when you call them….

If someone is walking around with their penis hanging out and shaking it around, I'm going to be calling somebody because nobody needs that.

That is a different story, we're not talking about that I'm talking about woman who's wearing a bikini top, a woman that's wearing a bikini bottom, and you know, they're the cheeky ones that go up there with their butt crack, or you know, an overweight woman, hello, who maybe be wearing something that their belly rolls show or their thigh roll show in between their legs, or whatever, and it turns you off. You Judge them.

So you think, Oh, my God, it turns me off. So nobody else should be exposed to it. You make yourself the police over what others find attractive.

If you keep looking here, you will be exposed to it. Sooooo Look the fuck away if it bothers you.

Don't judge these people, you don't know their story.

As long as someone isn't hurting anybody, just walk away.

And you know, wish them well.

Stop with the judgments and policing people.

And don't go around telling everybody well, I can judge because everybody else judges?

Oh, does that just get me!

Well, that means I can go get a fivefinger discount from the candy store because somebody else is doing it?

Or I can go steal siphon gas out of my neighbor's car because somebody else has done it?

I live in South Carolina, no one would believe the shit they do around here.

Does that mean I get to do it? No.

Think about what's right and what's wrong.

And then think about what is acceptable and not acceptable. Who made those rules?

Is it a judgment that you have on yourself that you're inflicting on someone else?

If My my shirt gets too low, I pull it up. But that doesn't mean that if someone else has the same shirt, and shows cleavage, that I'm going to judge her for it.

We all have our own standards that we live by, and just let people live by their standards.

One isnt better then the other. Its just whats better for each individual.

As far as the children, educate the children, EDUCATE them.

If they have a question, say, Listen, Mommy would not dress that way. But this woman is dressing that way. That's her business, not at ours.

How hard is that?

No more questions, no more things need to be discussed.

And that teaches the child then not to be judgmental when they get older, not to look at a woman and say, well, she's a slut. She's a whore. She's asking for trouble. She's doing whatever.

It's all in how you answer the question that matters.

And how you answer the question is going to rely on how much inner work that you have done for yourself to find out why something sets you off.

So if a heavyweight woman comes over and she's wearing a shirt that's too tight, and you don't know her story, why is it setting you off?

What bothers you about it?

Are you better than her?

Is she less than because her tummy rolls are sticking out?

And I again, these are things that I used to do. I used to look like a heavyweight woman and judge her.

I lived in Shamokin, Pennsylvania, you can go the Walmart and people watch all day long.

The shit you would see.

But now I look back at myself and think why was I like that? Why did I think these things?

What the hell is wrong with me?

Whatever Their choices are, it's none of my business.

And that's probably my biggest thing. It is none of my business.

If someone else's parents let their teenagers walk around the beach in a bikini, it's none of my business, they're not my children.

I could say the same thing to them if they ask Mommy, “why is she wearing something like that? “

Because she wants to and it's none of our business.

While you're living with mommy, though, you're gonna cover up… if that's the way you feel.

I'm not asking you to change religious beliefs for yourself or your immediate family.

I'm just asking you to not judge other people based on your beliefs, because not everyone holds the same beliefs that you do even within the same religions.

Using Christianity because it's so easy.

All I have to do is post a Bible quote, and you'll get 10 different variations of what that quote actually means.

So be very careful when you say, well, it's religious views.

I'm a Christian. I'm Catholic, blah, blah, blah. That's fine.

That's great and wonderful for you.

And I'm happy that that's what you embrace because it's you.

But everyone else isn't subjected to the same rules.

They're not subjected to the same lifestyles or dogma.

So what's acceptable to you may not be acceptable to them and vice versa.

I know somebody who puts mayonnaise on hotdogs. It is disgusting. Buts she eats her hotdogs with mayo, I gag and eat mine with ketchup and onions and the hotdog better be burnt black.

I mean, I'm making light of it by using food as an example but who puts mayonnaise on a hot dog?

WHY DO I CARE??

I don't have to eat it. So why does it matter?

It's the same thing with you, you don't have to wear it so why does it matter?

So it all comes down to what is acceptable to you may not be acceptable to somebody else and vice versa but educate the kids and don't expect everybody else to fall in line with what you believe.

You can try to hide things from your children but eventually they will be exposed to something you may deem as inappropriate.

How you educate them about it is what's gonna matter.

I didn't want my son to see any kind of pornography yet he found it somehow managed to get a magazine and I did not throw a big hissy fit.

I did not make a big deal about it, I simply removed it and got rid of it and that was the end of it.

No more came into the house.

You do not need to put someone else down for the way they dress or the way they eat or the way they look whether they're overweight or underweight or their stomach roll showing or butt cheeks showing or they're in their cheeky shorts.

It's this judgments being put on other people because we are affected by it.

Something within us doesn't like it so we judge them for it.

Just look at the reasons why you're judging somebody.

Oh my god the 60s ladies were the halter tops all over the place with bare stomach and their shorts.

I hope you take some positives from my message today.

If you think this message is worth sharing, pass it on to a friend.

Because it is important that we, as women, stick together, rather than teaching our children how to downgrade and belittle other women because they dress differently than we appreciate, dress differently than we would for ourselves, or, you know, look differently than we would.

I've seen women with shaved heads when I worked at Ulta, you won't believe how many people over the age of 50 came and got their heads shaved because they had gone through a divorce.

It was freeing and liberating for them walking down the street, they probably were getting looks and judgements, although some of them can really rock it. But they didn't care and neither should we.

So just when you're judging someone, I just ask you to ask yourself, “what about that person is really bothering you. And again it IS always about us.

We can't control anyone else's situation.

We can only control how we respond to it.

So I just asked you to change your response so that we raise children that don't walk around becoming bullies as they get into high school because of the way the person dresses or acts or looks.

Maybe that would change some of what's going on in our society today.

I don't know. I don't have all the answers. But that one I know is a fact. Less Judging and more loving.