Anger Isn't Always Negative and Love Isn't Always Enough

Today I read that Anger is negative and doesn't solve anything. I beg to differ. I think as healers and coaches we do great disservice to our clients when we make “all and nothing” blanket statements.

How do you “love” your way through a social dilemma or through a toxic environment? I can send toxic people out of my life with love, I suppose…but love itself isn't going to resolve most issues because we can't control how others think and react.

HATE is the emotion that solves nothing and usually leads to questionable actions and self destruction. Hate clouds judgment and will often have a person acting out of character, out of alignment and with disregard for your personal core values.

An example of hate is a story about why Hitler did what he did with the Jews. It is suggested that Hilter's hate came about when a Jewish doctor, Eduard Bloc, failed to cure Hilter’s mother, Klara Hitler of cancer. The doctor used a quasi-experimental medication called iodoform and it failed and Hilter’s mother died speculatively sparking the genocide that will probably forever go down in history as one the worst atrocities against humans in history.

Anger, however, when channeled can bring about change, reform, innovation, creation, invention. When someone is so fed up with their circumstance they become angry about it and change occurs.

Anger doesn't have to look like rage…which is a very different feeling in the body. People can get angry and throw things, maybe say things they don't mean. As a church goer I was taught that ladies don't get angry so I learned to stuff that anger down until it festered and exploded into rage. A totally unhealthy expression of anger. It left me feeling horrible about myself.

And YES anger can be abusive when it's used to elicit fear and compliance from someone such as narcissistic rage.

Examples of narcissistic rage range from intense outbursts and sudden fits of anger, to passive-aggressive acts such as simmering resentment, icy silence, deliberate neglect, or cutting sarcasm.

What distinguishes narcissistic rage from normal anger is that it is usually unreasonable, disproportional, and cuttingly aggressive (or intensely passive-aggressive), all because the narcissists’ wants and wishes are not being catered to. It is a blow to their superficial, idealized self-image….From Psychology Today.

However, Anger channeled correctly can be very beneficial. Anger can inform us when an injustice has occurred. An Injustice in your family, at work, may be a social injustice like what we are experiencing in the United States currently with the overturn of Roe vs Wade.

They decide to be, do or have differently. They know they deserve better and anger can be the fuel they need to act. They search and research answers to get them out of the situation.

For example, at the time of this blog Roe vs Wade was overturned and many are angry. Love will not bring about change here. Anger can spur people into action.

They can be so pissed the fuck off that they choose to act.

They can choose to rally, or show up to vote.

They can choose to open their pockets to support “Pro-choice” companies or Planned Parenthood.etc.

Anger can be the motivation that a person needs to stand up to their abuser.

Anger is a force for good when channeled correctly.

Anger at injustices can motivate a revolution that changes history.

Love is another conversation. “Love conquers all '' is thrown around in the “spiritual” world and it couldn't be rather from the truth.

A person can have so much love for their child, nurture them and protect them and shelter them from everything harmful in the world. The child then grows to be an adult that never learned how to manage their emotions, they didn't get to learn that a failure isn't the end because they were sheltered from failures growing up. The parent loved and meant all the things good yet failed to teach the child how to walk the world where bad things will happen.

A person can LOVE their person so much, seek to please them and still be a punching bag of an abusive lover. All the love in the world will not help this person save this relationship if the abuser doesn't want to stop abusing.

A spouse who hides, cheats, has virtual affairs, sends penis pics to ladies on the internet, withholds love when you do something they didn't like or you displease them somehow like isn't going to change if you just love hard enough.

Don't get me wrong, Love is also a motivator for change but isn't always the answer.

Love has caused wars, Love has kept people in abusive relationships longer than they should have been. If I just LOVE them enough, they will change.

Love bombing by an abusive partner has been known to confuse the hell out of a person, making them question if what they are living with is actually abuse or if is it all in their head.

I do believe in leading from a place of love. In all aspects of our lives leading with love is the best course of action. Love alone, however, isn't always the answer.

Anger alone isn't negative and love can't always resolve an issue.